As far as scams go, the Nigerian Bank e-mail is right up there alongside such classics as the Shell Game and 3-Card Monte for separating boobs, rubes and complete fucking morons from their money. Like most a ya'll, I usually delete the shit on the spot, but somethin' done tol' me to take a gamble on making a new overseas pen pal after receiving a message from this guy.
Ladies and Gentlemen, I give you Ahmed Owusu. Philanthropist businessman, bowtie enthusiast and manager of the International Commercial Bank of Ghana (and yes ladies, he's single!) The details of his first correspondence should be familiar to most: Ahmed had $2 million burning a hole in his pocket, but no way to get it out of the country and so needed “a reliable, honest and a trust worth person to help this huge transfer project with” and I gotta give him props for being at least slightly truthful by saying “I do need to stress that there are almost no risks involved in this.” Hey, my man was sorta hinting at the possibility that I'd be getting ripped off, so kudos to you Ahmed! I responded to him shortly thereafter with the following:
Ouch! Talk about testy. In all fairness, though, screwing stupid people out of their money must be a very high-pressure job, so it's entirely understandable he'd be a little cranky. I mean he's probably sitting in some depressing Glengarry Glen Ross-type office, working on a shitty old PC and surrounded by a dozen other scam artists, with an asshole boss lording over him screaming “Put that karkaday down! Karkaday is for closers only!” (karkaday being a sweet hibiscus tea that's a local delicacy in Ghana of course). I had to prove to Ahmed I was most definitely not a lackadaisical fellow so I tried to win my way back into his heart
