A man comes home from a night of drinking. As he falls through the doorway, his wife snaps at him, "What's the big idea coming home half drunk?" The man replies, "I'm sorry honey. I ran out of money."
A well-stacked young advertising secretary wore tight knit dresses that showed off her figure, especially when she walked. Her young, aggressive boss motioned her into his office one afternoon and closed the door. Pointing to her tightly covered derriere, he asked, "Is that for sale?" "Of course not!" she snapped angrily, blushing furiously. Unchanged, he replied quietly, "Then, I suggest you quit advertising it."
A man was wandering around a fairground and he happened to see a fortune-teller's tent. Thinking it would be good for a laugh, he went inside and sat down. "Ah....." said the woman as she gazed into her crystal ball. "I see you are the father of two children." "That's what you think," said the man scornfully. "I'm the father of THREE children."� The woman grinned and said, "That's what YOU think!"
A young guy was laying on his back on a massage table, wearing only a towel over his groin. A young, very attractive Swedish girl was massaging his shoulders, then his chest, and gradually worked her way down his torso. The guy was getting sexually excited as the masseur approached the towel. The towel began to lift and the Swedish girl arched her eyebrows. "You wanna wank?" she asked. "You bet," came the excited reply. "O.K.," she said. "I come back in ten minutes."
This guy was walking down the street and this hooker says, "Say, wanna have a good time?" as he looked him up and down seductively. "Sure," he says and they are off to the nearest motel. She takes off her clothes and he keeps staring at her. She says, "Is this the first pussy you seen since you crawled out of one?" The guy says, "Nope, just the first one I've seen big enough to crawl back into."
A salesman knocks at the door of a home and it's answered by a 12yr old boy with a cigar in one hand and a half empty bottle of scotch in the other. The salesman asks the boy, "Excuse me son but is your mom or dad in?" To which the boy replies, "Does it fucking look like it?"
A woman goes to her doctor, complaining that her husband is 300% impotent. The doctor says, "I'm not sure I understand what you mean." She says, "Well, the first 100% you can imagine. In addition, he burned his tongue and broke his finger!"
