Jack was returning to work Monday morning with two black eyes. His workmates were understandably curious: "Jack, what happened to you?!?" "It was the darndest thing! I was at church yesterday, and this fat lady stood up in front of me. You know how a dress can get stuck in the crack of the butt of a fat lady? It looked funny. I figured she wouldn't like that, so I just reached over and pulled it out with a little tug. Next thing I know, she spins around and socks me one!"
"Jeez, you got TWO black eyes in one blow?"
"Naw. After she turned back around, I figured she was angry that I pulled the dress out of her crack, so I tried to poke it back in..."
"And will there be anything else, sir?" the bellboy asked after setting out an elaborate dinner for two. "No thank you." the gentleman replied. "That will be all." As the young man turned to leave, he noticed a beautiful satin negligee on the bed. "Anything for your wife ?" he asked. "Yeah ! That's a good idea." the fellow said. "Please bring up a postcard."
A young male virgin, a shy college freshman, was lucky enough to have a roommate who was considerably more experienced with the opposite sex. When the bashful boy broke down and explained his predicament, his roommate offered to set him up with the campus floozy. "Just take her out to dinner and a show, and then let nature take its course," he explained. "This girl really knows how to go from there." The roommate arranged the date as promised, and the freshman took the coed out for a delightful evening of dining and dancing. On the way home, he parked his car in a dark lane, broke out in shakes and a cold sweat and blurted out: "God, I sure would like to have a little pussy." "I would, too," the girl sighed. "Mine's the size of a bucket!"
Two men are playing tennis, one man falls and hits his elbow and decides to go to the doctors, the other man says "Don't waste any money on the doctors, just go inside the store at the corner down the street, put $10 in the machine in the corner, piss in the cup, let it do its thing and a slip of paper will come out that tells you what you have". So he goes to the store puts ten dollars in the machine, pisses in the cup and out comes a piece of paper it says "You have tennis elbow take this ointment cream and apply it on your elbow 3-4 times a daily". So goes home wondering how it know what was wrong, and wanted to see if this machine is a real miracle worker, so he goes home and gets his sisters piss, brothers piss, dogs piss, and jacks-off in the cup goes back to the store, puts ten dollars in the machine and places the cup in the machine. The paper comes out and says "Your sister has gonorrhea, your brother is gay, your dog has worms, and if you keep jacking-off like that you'll never lose that tennis elbow.
One day an old farmer fell asleep in the top level in a 2 level hay shed. When he woke up, he found his son having sex with his girlfriend on the bottom level of the hayshed. He decided he wouldn't disturb them, so he laid down and rested. After a while he heard his son say, "Father, father up above. Give me strength for one last shove." So the father, being smart, replied, "Son, son down below. Get off and give your father a go."
