Jesus walks towards the gates of Heaven, quietly whistling for himself. St. Peter raises his eyes from the books and shouts: "You! Hey, you! Where do you think you're going?"
"Err ... St. Peter? You don't recognize me? Why I'm Jesus! I'm on my way to see my father!"
"Jesus, Schmesus!" says St. Peter. "Come on, boy, surely you can come up with something better than that. How do you expect me to believe you are Jesus? Go away, you're wasting my time".
"But Peter! We've gone a long way together! It's me, Jesus! You have to remember me!"
"You? Jesus? You make me laugh. Jesus - with that beard? And those dirty clothes? Hah. No way you'll get past me pretending you're Jesus".
Depressed, Jesus turns around and begins to slowly walk away. After a couple of seconds, St. Peter says: "Hey, Jesus."
"Yes?"
"Smile. You're on Candid Camera!"
A nun, badly needing to use the restroom, walked into a local Hooters. The place was hopping with music and loud conversation and every once in a while the lights would turn off.
Each time the lights would go out, the place would erupt into cheers. However, when the revelers saw the nun, the room went dead silent.
She walked up to the bartender, and asked, "May I please use the restroom?
The bartender replied, "OK, but I should warn you that there is a statue of a naked man in there wearing only a fig leaf."
"Well, in that case I'll just look the other way," said the nun.
So, the bartender showed the nun to the back of the restaurant, and she preceded to the restroom. After a few minutes, she came back out, and the whole place stopped just long enough to give the nun a loud round of applause.
She went to the bartender and said, "Sir, I don't understand! Why did they applaud for me just because I went to the restroom?"
"Well, now they know you're one of us," said the bartender, "Would you like a drink?"
"But, I still don't understand," said the puzzled nun.
"You see," laughed the bartender, "every time the fig leaf on the statue is lifted up, the lights go out. Now, how about that drink?"
