Classified Joke
A violist comes home late at night to discover fire trucks, police cars, and
a smoking crater where his house used to be. The cheif of poice comes over
to him and tells him, "While you were out, the conductor came to your house,
killed your family, and burned it down." The violist replied, "You're
kidding! The conductor came to my house?"
A violist is sitting in the front row, crying hysterically. The conductor
askes the violist, "What's wrong?" The violist answers, "The second oboe
loosened one of my tuning pegs." The conductor replied, "I admit, that
seems a little childish, but nothing to get so upset about. Why are you
crying?" To which the violist replied, "He won't tell me which one!!"
One day Bob stepped into a pawn shop. He looked around but didn't see anything he liked. Bob was about to leave, when he noticed a stuffed squirel sitting atop a dusty old shelf. Bob said to the owner "Can I have that squirrel?"
The owner said "Yes, sure, on one condition: you must never bring it back."
So Bob took the stuffed rodent and started walking down the street. A few feet later he heard a noise. Bob turned around, and to his surprise, a real live squirrel was follwing him! Bob quickened his pace and walked a little farther, then turned back and ten squirrels were following him! Bob started jogging, but after a little while, he turned back and there was a whole sidewalk full of squirrels!
Now Bob was scared. He ran as fast as he could, and then he got to the ocean. There, at the water's edge, he took the stuffed squirrel and flung it as far as he could into the brine. And then the whole townfull of squirrels jumped into the ocean!
Bob went back to the pawn shop. The owner asked why he had come. "Don't you remember I told you not to bring the stuffed squirrel back?"
"Oh yes" Bob assured him. "I didn't bring it back. I was just wondering if you had a saxophone."
The composition of a string quartet:
1 good violinist
1 bad violinist
1 really bad violinist who became a violist
1 cellist who hates all violinists.
What is the difference between Joke
.. A french horn and a lawnmower?
You can tune a lawnmower.
.. An oboe and an onion?
Nobody cries when you chop an clarinet into little pieces.
.. A saxophone and a chainsaw?
The grip.
.. An accordion and a trampoline?
You are supposed to take off your shoes before jumping on the
trampoline.
.. A trumpet player and a government bond?
Government bonds eventually mature and earn money.
