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A little boy gets up to go to the bathroom in the middle of the night. As he passes his parent's bedroom he peeks in through the keyhole. He watches for a moment, then continues on down the hallway, saying to himself, "Boy, and she gets mad at me for sucking my thumb"

One golfer tells another: "Hey, guess what! I got a set of golf clubs for my wife!" the other replies, "GREAT trade!"

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The Queen was showing the Archbishop of Canterbury around the royal stable, when one of the stallions close by farted so loudly it couldn't be ignored. "Oh dear," said the Queen, "How embarrassing. I'm frightfully sorry about that." "It's quite understandable," said the Archbishop, and after a moment, added, "as a matter of fact I thought it was the horse."

A husband and wife go visit a marriage counselor. First, the wife speaks to the counselor alone. The counselor asks, "You say you've been married 20 years, so what seems to be the problem?" The wife replies, "It's my husband -- he's driving me crazy! I'm going to leave him if he continues!" "How does he drive you crazy?" "For 20 years," she says, "he's been doing these stupid things. First, whenever we go out, he's always looking at the floor and refuses to go near anyone. It's very embarrassing."

The marriage counselor is amused, "Anything else?" "He keeps picking his nose all the time! Even in public!" "Hmm, anything else?" probes the counselor further. The wife hesitates, "whenever we're making love, he NEVER lets me be on top! Once in a while, I'd like to be in control!"

"Ah," says the counselor, "I think I'll talk to your husband now." So the wife goes out of the room and the husband enters. The counselor tells him, "Your wife says that you've been driving her crazy. She might even leave you." The husband looks shocked, "WHAT? For 20 years I've been loving and considerate and I've always given her what she wants! What could be the problem?"

The counselor explains, "She says that you've got these habits that are driving her crazy. First, you're always acting strange in public--looking at the floor and never going near anyone else." The husband looks concerned, "Oh, you don't understand! It's one of the few things my father told me to do in his deathbed and I swore I'd obey everything he said." "What did he say?"

"He said that I should never step on anyone's toes!" The counselor looks amused, "Actually, that means that you should not do anything that would cause anyone else to get angry." The husband looks sheepish, "Oh. Okay." The counselor continues, "And you keep picking your nose in public." "Well, its another thing my father specifically commanded me to do! He told me to always keep my nose clean."

The counselor looks faint, "That means that you should not indulge in any criminal activity." "Oh," says the husband looking very stupid. "And finally, she says that you never allow her to be on top during your lovemaking."

"This," says the husband seriously, "is the last thing my father commanded me to do on his deathbed and it's the most important thing." "What did he say?" The husband replies, "In his dying breath, he said. Don't screw up."

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Yellow Pages

The term Yellow Pages refers to a telephone directory of businesses, categorized according to the product or service provided. As the name suggests, such directories were originally printed on yellow paper, as opposed to white pages for non-commercial listings. The traditional term Yellow Pages is now also applied to online directories of businesses.

To avoid the increasing cost of yellow paper, the yellow background of the pages is currently printed on white paper using ink. Yellow paper is no longer used.

The name and concept of "Yellow Pages" came about in 1883, when a printer in Cheyenne, Wyoming working on a regular telephone directory ran out of white paper and used yellow paper instead. In 1886 Reuben H. Donnelley created the first official yellow pages directory, inventing an industry.

Today, the expression Yellow Pages is used globally, in both English-speaking and non-English speaking countries. In the United States, it refers to the category, while in some other countries it is a registered name and therefore a proper noun.

Internet Yellow Pages

Online Yellow Pages are known as IYP or Internet Yellow Pages. On a broader scale they are known as vertical directories. There are consumer oriented and business oriented varieties. All providers of IYP offer online advertising. IYP's have largely formed as a result of yellow pages publishers needing to replace rapidly declining print revenue by chasing the migration of shoppers toward web-based information.

IYP offers listings differently than standard search engines. Where search engines return results based on relevancy to the true search term, IYP returns results based on a geographic area.

Studies by independent companies such as Nielson and comScore have shown that Internet Yellow Pages have a very slim percentage of total Internet searches. The majority, over 85% of all Internet searches, occur on the major search engines Google, Yahoo and MSN.

Advertising on IYP is typically available with numerous a la carte choices. These choices become small "individual sales presentations" which makes it easier for sales reps to sell large advertising packages.

A newer version of IYPs are classified as local search directories which provide similar content with the added ability for customer reviews and comments for a listed business. The user advantage is that local search is not dominated by high paying corporate advertising. All services offer paid advertising options which typically offer preferred placement on search results pages.

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