What a woman says...
This place is a mess! C'mon!
You and I need to clean up!
Your stuff is lying on the floor and
You'll have no clothes to wear if we
don't do laundry right now!
What a man hears...
blah blah blah blah blah C'MON!
YOU AND I blah blah blah blah!
blah blah blah blah ON THE FLOOR blah
blah blah NO CLOTHES blah blah blah blah
blah blah blah RIGHT NOW!
A police officer pulls a man over for speeding. As the officer approaches the car he can see that the man is very anxious about something.
"Good afternoon Sir. Do you know why I stopped you?"
"Yes, officer... I know I was speeding -- but it is a matter of life or death."
"Oh, really? How's that?"
"There's a naked woman waiting for me at home."
"I don't see how that is a matter of life or death."
"If I don't get home before my wife does, I'm a dead man."
A trucker goes into a whorehouse and hands the Madam five hundred dollars. He says, "I want your ugliest woman and a bologna sandwich." The Madam says, "For that kind of money, you could have one of my finest girls and surf and turf." The trucker says, "I'm not horny, I'm homesick."
A guy goes into a drug store to buy condoms. The girl behind the counter says, "What size?"
He says, "I don't know."
She holds up a finger and says, "That big?"
He says, "Bigger."
She holds up three fingers and says, "That big?"
He says, "Smaller?"
She holds up two fingers and he says, "That's it."
She puts the two fingers in her mouth and says, "Medium."
An old Indian was asked the name of his wife.
He replied, "Wife Name - Three Horse."
"That's an unusual name for your wife, Three Horse. What does it mean?"
"It's an old Indian name. Means Nag, Nag, Nag."
