Laugh it over Joke
Bill Gates dies and goes to hell. Satan greets him, "Welcome Mr. Gates, we've been waiting for you. This will be your home for all eternity. You've been selfish, greedy and a big liar all your life. Now, since you've got me in a good mood, I'll be generous and give you a choice of three places in which you'll be locked up forever." Satan takes Bill to a huge lake of fire in which millions of poor souls are tormented and tortured. He then takes him to a massive colosseum where thousands of people are chased about and devoured by starving lions. Finally, he takes Bill to a tiny room in which there is a PC in the corner. Without hesitation, Bill says "I'll take this option." "Fine," says Satan, allowing Bill to enter the room. Satan locks the room after Bill. As he turns around, he bumps into Lucifer.
Lucifer: That was Bill Gates! Why did you give him the best place of all?
Satan: That's what everyone thinks!
Lucifer: What about the PC?
Satan (laughing): It's got Windows 95! And it's missing three keys!
Lucifer: Which three?
Satan (screaming): Control, Alt and Delete!
Taste of wine Joke
On his first date with a beatiful woman, a guy decided to impress her with his knowledge of wine. He told the wine steward to bring a bottle of 1985 Sterling Chabernet Sauvignon from the Carneros District. Upon tasting the wine, the young man berated the steward. "No, no, this is a 1987 Vintage from the North coast vineyards near Calistoga. Please bring me what I ordered." The second bottle of wine was poured, and once again the young man was annoyed, "No, no, this is 1985 alright, but it's from the Mount Helena vineyards!" Watching the drama from the bar, an old drunk came up to the table and said, "Wow, that's an impressive ability. Can You tell me what's in this glass ?" Not wanting to pass up an opportunity to impress his date, the Young man sipped at the drunks glass. "Christ, this tastes like piss", he exclaimed and spat the mouthfull out. "That's exactly right", said the drunk. "Now tell me when and where I was born."
Blind date Joke
A young man took a blind date to an amusement park. They went for a ride on the Ferris wheel. The ride completed, she seemed rather bored. "What would you like to do next?" he asked. "I wanna get weighed," she said. So the young man took her over to the weight guesser. "One-twelve," said the man at the scale, and he was absolutely right. Next they rode the roller coaster. After that, he bought her some popcorn and cotton candy, then he asked what else she would like to do. "I wanna get weighed," she said. I really latched onto a square one tonight, thought the young man, and using the excuse he had developed a headache, he took the girl home. The girl's mother was surprised to see her home so early, and asked, "What's wrong, dear, didn't you have a nice time tonight?"
"Wousy," said the girl.
Good deed Joke
A fella finds himself in front of the Pearly Gates. Ol' Peter explains that it's not so easy to get in heaven. There are some criteria before entry is allowed. For example, was the man religious in life? Attend church? No? ..that's bad, that's bad ...Was he generous? give money to the poor? Charities? ...No?...not good, not good....Did he do any good deeds? Help his neighbor? Anything?...NO?? Exasperated, Peter says, "Look, EVERYBODY does something nice sometime. Work with me, I'm trying to help. Now think!" The man says, "There WAS this old lady. I came out of a store and found her surrounded by a dozen Hell's Angels. They had taken her purse and were shoving her around. Taunting and abusing her. I got so mad I threw my bags down, fought thru the crowd and got her purse back. Helped her to her feet. I then went up to the biggest, baddest biker and told him how despicable, cowardly and mean he was and SPIT in his face".
"Wow", said Peter, "That's impressive. When did this happen"?
"Oh, about 10 minutes ago", replied the man.
