A fellow went off on his honeymoon, and after returning meets up with a friend for a beer and conversation. The friend, being single and a pervert to boot, begins to inquire as to the festivities of the honeymoon. "So, Bob, big married man, did ya get any while you were out there?" the friend asks. Bob just shakes his head. "Ah, you know me. I like to fish. So I just fished." His friend gasps. "You mean you didn't have no sex? C'mon, Bob, tell me at least got a blowjob!" Bob again shakes his head. "Naw, she had pyorrhea, so I just fished. You know I like to fish." His friend replies, "Bob, she's your god damn wife! She's gotta give it up when you say! You should just made her do it!" Bob replies, "Nah, she had gonorrhea, and you know me. I like to fish, so I just fished." His friend, now quite upset, says, "What?! Why didn't ya just pork it up her ass?" "Well," says Bob, "she had diarrhea...and you know me, I like to fish. So I just fished." His friend, totally exasperated by this point, shouts at him, "Jesus! Why'd you marry this sick bitch anyway?!" Bob replies, "Well, she got worms, and you know how I like to fish..."
She married and had 13 children. Her husband died. She married again and had 7 more children. Again, Her husband died. But, she remarried and this time had 5 more children. Alas, she finally died.
Standing before her coffin, the preacher prayed for her. He thanked the Lord for this very loving woman and said, �Lord, they�re finally together.�
One mourner leaned over and quietly asked her friend, �Do you think he means her first, second or third husband?� The friend replied, �I think he means her legs.�
One Night After Watching Who Wants To Be A Millionaire... A man and his wife went to bed and the man was getting very frisky. He asked his wife if she was in the mood. His wife answered, "Not tonight dear, I have a headache." The man replied, "Is that your final answer?" She said "Yes." "OK, then I'd like to phone a friend." he replied.
There was this geriatric woman who thought she needed some toughening to cope with today's world, and decided to join a gang. She rocked up to the Hell's Angels bikers club and tapped on the door. "Excuse me, sirs, I'd like to join your club if you please" she croaked in her feeble voice. A grunt came from inside, "Ha! You got no chance, woman. We only take the toughest into our club. You can only join if you drink!". "Oh boy, do I drink! I slam a few down every night after playing pool with the boys" she croaked back. "Oh, umm, well... you can only join if you smoke" he lied, trying to brush her off. "Does marijuana count? Coz I don't mind a few joints after playing pool with the boys". "Umm, I suppose it does count..." the biker said, and, thinking quick on his feet said "Look, we're a gang only for the roughest, toughest men in town. Now, have you ever been picked up by the fuzz?"
"No," she replied, "but I've been swung around by the tits a few times".
