Two old people, a man and a woman, walk into a hospital. The doctor says to the old man, "I'll need a urine sample, a feces sample, and a blood sample." The old man says, "What?" So the doctor says it again. Once again the old man says, "what?" So the doctor yells it, "I NEED A URINE SAMPLE, A FECES SAMPLE, AND A BLOOD SAMPLE!" With that the old woman turns to the old man and says, "He needs a pair of your underwear!"
A new bride went to her doctor for a check up. Lacking knowledge of the male anatomy, she asked the doctor "What's that thing hanging between my husbands legs?"
The doctor replies "We call that the penis." The new bride then asks "What's that reddish/purple thing on the end of the penis?"
The doctor replies "We call that the head of the penis. The bride then asks "What are those 2 round things about 15 inches from the head of the penis?"
The doctor replies "Lady, on him I don't know, but on me they're the cheeks of my ass!"
Burford is checking out of a hotel when suddenly he has to take a shit real bad. The toilet in his room isn't working, so he bolts down to use the lobby Men's Room, but all of the stalls are occupied, so he runs back up to his room, and in desperation, he drops his pants, uproots a plant, and takes a shit in the pot. Then he puts the plant back in the pot and leaves. Two weeks later, he gets a postcard from the hotel that says,
"Dear Mr. Burford... All is forgiven. Just tell us...where it is?"
A couple were indulged in sexual intercourse and the man noticed that with each movement of his pelvis, his partner's toes would rise.
Later that night, while going at it pretty hot and heavy in the shower, her toes remained still. Confused, he asked, "Why is it that when we do it in bed, your toes go up, but when we do it in the shower, they don't?"
"Silly," she replied, "I take my pantyhose off in the shower!"
