Did you hear about the fellow that was talking to his buddy, and he said, "I don't know what to get my wife for her birthday - she has everything, and besides, she can afford to buy anything she wants, so I'm stumped." His buddy said, "I have an idea - why don't you make up a certificate saying she can have 60 minutes of great sex, any way she wants it - she'll probably be thrilled." So the fellow did. The next day his buddy said, "Well? Did you take my suggestion?" "Yes, I did," said the fellow. "Did she like it?" His buddy asked. "Oh yes! she jumped up , thanked me, kissed me on the forehead and ran out the door, yelling "I'll be back in an hour!!"
There were three guys that won a contest. They would get to spend a year in a room with anything they chose. The first guy loves to have sex. So they put him in a room for a year with over 200 girls to have sex with for a year. The second guy loved to get drunk. So they put him in a room with every beer there ever was to drink for a year. The third guy loved to smoke. So they put him in a room with every kind of cigarette there was to smoke. Two hours later they hear the guy that loved to smoke banging on the door but they say fuck him, he's in there for a year.
A year later they let them out. They first guy came out and he could barely walk, after how many times he had sex. The second guy came out and couldn't walk because he was so drunk. The third guy came out crying. They asked him why he was banging on the door and why he was crying. He said, " I forgot my lighter!"
A mother and her son were flying Southwest Airlines from Oakland to Kansas City.
The son, who had been looking out the window, turned to his mother and said, "If big dogs have baby dogs and big cats have baby cats, why don't big planes have baby planes? The mother, who couldn't think of an answer, told her son to ask the flight attendant.
So, the little boy asked the flight attendant, "If big dogs have baby dogs and big cats have baby cats, why don't big planes have baby planes?" The flight attendant asked, "Did your mother tell you to ask me that?" He said that she had.
With a clever grin, she said, "Tell your mother it's because Southwest Airlines always pulls out on time."
There were 3 gay men and their partners all died at around the same time. On their way to the morgue, the guy who worked there asked them where they want to spread their partners ashes. The first gay guy says, "I want to spread his ashes over the ocean because he loved to swim!" The second gay guy says, "I want to spread his ashes on a mountain because he loved to climb." And then the third gay guy says, "I want to spread him all over my chili, and the guy who worked at the morgue asked, "WHY?" and he said," So he can tear my ass up one more time."
