A hippy walks into a Bar and Grill. The waiter comes up to him and asks him if he wants anything. So the Hippy says 'Yeah a cheeseburger. Not too well done, not to rare, but right in the groove.' So the waiter brings his burger and asks if he wants anything to drink. He says 'A cup of tea. Not too hot, not too cold, but right in the Groove.' The waiter's kinda getting pissed now, but he brings the tea and kinda slams it on the table. Little while later the waiter comes back and asks the Hippy if he wants any dessert. He says 'Yeah some ice cream. Not too chocolate, not too vanilla, but right in the Groove.' So the waiter says 'Why don't you kiss my ass. Not the right cheek, not the left cheek, but right in the Groove!'
The Madam opened the brothel door to see a frail, elderly gentleman.. "Can I help you?" the madam asked. "I want Natalie," the old man replied. "Sir, Natalie is one of our most expensive ladies, perhaps someone else..." "No, I must see Natalie."
Just then Natalie appeared and announced to the old man that she charges $1,000 per visit. Without blinking, the man reached into his pocket and handed her ten $100 bills. The two went up to a room for an hour, whereupon the man calmly left..
The next night he appeared again demanding to see Natalie. Natalie explained that no one had ever come back two nights in a row and that There were no discounts...it was still $1,000 a visit. Again the old man took out the money, the two went up to the room and an hour later, he left.
When he showed up the third consecutive night, no one could believe it. Again he handed Natalie the money and up to the room they went. At the end of the hour Natalie questioned the old man: "No one has ever used my services three nights in a row. Where are you from?" The old man replied, "I'm from Philadelphia."
"Really?" replied Natalie. "I have family who lives there."
"Yes, I know," said the old man. "Your father died, and I'm your sister's attorney. She asked me to give this $3,000 to you." (Some things in life are certain: taxes, death and being screwed by an attorney.)
A man takes his wife to the stock show. They start heading down the alley that had the bulls. They come up to the first bull and his sign stated: "This bull mated 50 times last year." The wife turns to her husband and says, "He mated 50 times in a year, you could learn from him." They proceed to the next bull and his sign stated: "This bull mated 65 times last year." The wife turns to her husband and says, "This one mated 65 times last year. That is over 5 times a month. You can learn from this one, also." They proceeded to the last bull and his sign said: "This bull mated 365 times last year." The wife's mouth drops open and says, "WOW! He mated 365 times last year. That is ONCE A DAY!!! You could really learn from this one." The man turns to his wife and says, "Go up and inquire if it was 365 times with the same cow." Ask any man what a woman's ultimate fantasy is and they will tell you, to have two men at once. According to a recent social logical study this is true, however most men do not realize that in this fantasy, one man is cooking, and the other is cleaning. |
